There’s all kinds of addictions in this world. You can be addicted to cigarettes, candy, heroin, sex, video games, the Internet, pornography, television, caffeine, painkillers, exercise, gambling, food, tanning, cosmetic surgery, the chase. You can be a hoarder, shopaholic, workaholic, alcoholic, chocoholic, codependent, kleptomaniac, bulimic, dope head, adrenaline junkie.
Me? I’m addicted to looovee. Not real love. Instead that clingy, can’t live without someone, head over heels love that takes over your life. I’m drawn to it. Its euphoric and unpleasant all at the same time. Extreme highs when the feeling seems to be returned. Horrifying lows when you are alone and away from the object of your addiction. If I’m in the throes of a setback I start obsessing about not obsessing. I tell myself there is something wrong, the feelings aren’t strong enough, quit settling, move on. I want it all I say with conviction.
Then I remember… I want it all means something else. It means hanging onto my own identity, my own friends, my own interests. Spending time alone, spending time with my pets, visiting with family, working when I need to. It means trying new things by myself, taking care of my body with exercise and proper nutrition, making time to reach out to new people and keep up with old friends, taking time to give back to this world in some small way. I want it all includes a partner that I can share my life with, share in their life and not feel smothered when they are near or call. I want it all includes having a partner who makes me feel good about myself and who I enjoy spending time with. I want it all includes a partner who shares my interests, can accept our differences, sees my flaws and likes me anyway.
This recovering addict was reminded again this week that there are three entities to every relationship. There’s me. There’s the other person. Then there’s the couple. Each of these three must stand on their own. Each of these three must be allowed to flourish. Each of these three are distinct and separate from each other.
That my friends is having it all.