I wanted to share this day’s post from my past not so much for the first post of the day but the second. I included the first because its related.
THURSDAY, MARCH 11, 2010
I have just been coasting along. This is how 23 years have passed in such an unhappy life. Coasting.
Its been hard to write here because since the weather is turning nicer I walk the dogs in the morning so finding extra time isn’t easy.
This morning he showed a glimmer of his old behavior. Screaming first in the shower about the empty body wash, then how heavy they make the bottle so you think there is stuff in it. Then alot of noise and banging. Then he comes down stairs complaining about the mess in the bedroom (his mess really as explained in an earlier post I believe), cat hair on clothes , then dog toys that he is constantly trying to avoid stepping on, then what my tires are doing to the driveway. He acts intimidating and rushes up to me with his chest out. I tell him I don’t want to hear about it. He did settle down but the dog was hiding by this point and I was on edge.
In a couple weeks we are going to NYC for a few days vacation. We’ll see if we get through the entire trip without any violence towards me. If we do it will be a first for vacation. How sad.
I’ve managed to sock away $2,000 in the past couple months. Still waiting to close on the refinance so I haven’t opened my own bank account yet. Probably could at this point but whats a few more days. I want to get at least $5,000 as I think that is what I need bare minimum to pickup and start over somewhere else. I’ll keep saving when I hit that goal but will feel much better when I’m there and have options.
Tonight he is out ‘riding around’ with friends. This means bar hopping on a motorcycle. He says he has learned his lesson about drinking and driving but we will see. He forgets how much he’s drunk or at least he pretends to. I’m not paying any more legal bills. Soon all our joint cards will be consolidated to the house and the cards cancelled. He can sell something if he needs money.
My car is paid for. I told him I’m setting up a car fund and putting my car payment amount in each month. He says I’m going to do that too when my bike is paid for this fall. I thought about it awhile then pointed out that he will still have a $500 a month truck payment. That he has to pay that off before he starts a fund. Told him its not fair that he has so many vehicle loans at the same time. Not long ago it was three loans. And we are talking $500 each! Ridiculous. I’m not putting up with it anymore.
Please don’t coast your life away.
Posted by MyLifeUntangled at 8:20 PM
The best 16 days of her life
Coasting reminds me of this: Xmas eve we are at a friends house. Also there is a lady and her husband in their sixties. Among the friends its always talked about how badly he treats her, what a wonderful lady she is, etc. Well this lady, another lady and myself are sitting at the kitchen table. Men are elsewhere. She was in the hospital a couple months ago and had a lung removed due to cancer. She tells us. ‘It was the best sixteen days of my life. Mike was calling me every day telling me he loves me.’
Really? You are in the hospital and having surgery to remove a lung because you have lung cancer and its the best sixteen days of your life. God help us all. What is wrong with women? How can I stop what I’m doing to myself?
America is supposed to be so modern and free. It seems women here have the same issues as the women in the mid-east. Difference is we hide it. They don’t.
Posted by MyLifeUntangled at 8:31 PM