I’ve always been a very goal oriented person. I set myself a goal and then work towards it. I make lists and check things off. I like to see progress and stay moving forward. This time of year especially I start thinking about my life, where I’m headed, what the next year will be like. The past few years I’ve given each year a theme.
In 2010 the theme was ‘Take Back My Life’. I took a picture of myself on New Years Eve 2009 with my dog, home alone, AGAIN, ringing in the new year. I told myself that will be the last New Years Eve I would spend in that house, in that relationship. And I managed to accomplish something I wanted and needed to for years. I broke free from my life long abusive relationship with my boyfriend. A huge year for me and one that will always be a marker for me. Life will always be identified as before I left and after I left.
The next year 2011 I decided I would take a year to be alone. No boyfriends or dating, no pressure to do things I didn’t want to do. For the first time in my adult life I was single. I would live quietly, work, go home, ponder life, meditate on my situation, learn to be happy. It was a very satisfying time of my life. I gave myself permission to do nothing but take care of myself physically and mentally. I read my journal from this year and I remember how happy I was just marveling at the freedom I had and how peaceful my life now was. I remember the feeling of total relief and happiness.
By the year 2012 I was ready to start moving my life in the direction I wanted to be in. I chose two themes because I was in a big hurry to start ‘living the dream’. The first theme was Give Back. I wanted to make a difference in the world I live in. Any type of volunteering or charitable work I had tried to do in the past was derided and basically forbidden. I signed up for two volunteer programs on top of the fostering of homeless kitties I was already doing. The first was with the women’s shelter. I felt an obligation to this place even though I’d only made a couple phone calls to them that didn’t result in much more than some simple advice. I signed up and took some classes to become a volunteer.
I also applied to be a Big Sister with the Big Brothers/Big Sister’s organization. I had contemplated doing it for many years but never had the energy nor the will power to put up with the flack I would have received at home for the time it would have taken away from my boyfriend and the money I would spend participating in the program.
I compromised on being a Big Sister and fostering animals for the women’s shelter. My original plan was to work directly with abused women because I know how helpful it is to talk to someone who has been there. But the program didn’t seem cut out for a working woman and I’m not sure I have the skill set to be a valuable volunteer in that capacity.
The second theme of 2012 was to try something new every month. I think I did a pretty good job at this. I ice skated, roller bladed, joined a book club, orienteered, cross country skied, started this blog, roller skated, hiked some things I didn’t think I could, learned how to be in a healthy relationship…
So now another year is coming to a close and I’m thinking about the theme for 2013. These things I did in past years will stay with me. I leave time for myself, I’ll continue to do a lot of the new things I tried last year. I’ll continue to try new things that catch my interest, there’s already a couple on the list. I have a Little Sister I love that I hope I can continue to see into adulthood. None of this goes away. But time for a new theme.
I think its going to be the year I become a runner. Yes that’s right. I’ll be 45 in a couple months and I’m taking up running. If my knees hold out I will run a 5K race by the end of the year. Hopefully by Spring but definitely by the end of the year. So the theme of this year is Run It. Now its in writing so I have to make it happen. Just let me finish this bag of popcorn and glass wine first. After all its still 2012.